Where Have I been....

I have taken some time away from my blog. I know quiet a bit of time. I really needed to find myself, find what I wanted from the whole living in Europe thing, find the person that I want to be when this is all over. Find the mother and wife that I want to be.

Now I would love to tell you answers found, neat and clean.. all wrapped up but it's not. It's actually messier than I had hoped! I have actually discovered that even simple questions have multiple answers. I have often felt like the choose your own ending books that I so often read in grade school.

Do you want to go back to work?
Turn to page 10 if the answer is yes.
Turn to page 29 if the answer is no, you enjoy being at home.
Turn to page 44 if the answer is yes, and then you hate your job.

Do you want to go back to college? What are your hobbies? What are your life goals? Is being a stay at home mom an ok life goal when living in the USA? Do you need things to keep you busy? Are you happy when your alone?

I have struggled deeply with who I am, and the path that is in front of me. I have prayed, I have chatted with family, talked with my husband, and confide with my friends. All having a variety of advice, all having a variety of opinions, but ultimately this journey is mine. I have to figure out what I want.

So, I left the internet, the distractions.

Now 6 months after my last post I am ready to be back! I am ready to introduce me! I am ready to share my journeys as an expat living in Germany with the world again. I am once again confident in who I am, the path that I am on, and the direction of my future!

I will continue to blog about my daily life, about my struggles, about my hopes, and most importantly about my victories! And today I celebrate my confidence in my life style!

"There it is... I said it.."

I was going to sit down this morning and blog about our mini-vacation in Berlin but then I got thinking about my daughter. Yesterday a girlfriend sent me a text, about my daughter and a school interaction that she witnessed.

"The girls were reading, identify words that they don’t know the meaning of or how to spell. Abby identified a word.... (A word the other children knew) Abby looked up and said “Well I don't spell very well, there it is! I said it.""

I got thinking about the power, the liberation, the sheer strength that it takes for people to admit their weakness. I got thinking about the bravery of an 8 year old little girl who was willing to tell her peers who she really was. I am not saying that she showed her soul to her friends, but that she simply did not hide the truth. Hiding the truth has become so much a part of who we are as a society. We build ourselves around the perfect imagine, forgetting who we really our much of the time! Or we are forced to hide the true us at the risk of being bullied, or embarrassed! We become afraid that we don’t fit society's standards and expectations.

I too fall victim to this. I want to be seen as the perfect mother, wife, friend, and daughter. However, in actuality I am human! I yell at my kids, forget birthdays, and have once or twice (most likely more) pissed some people off. I want people to see me as intelligent, when in fact I love TMZ more than NPR. I want to be sophisticated but love jeans and t-shirts! I struggle with an addiction to bread and therefore I have gained weight. I have to learn by the example by daughter sets, when it comes up or I need help, I must admit the truth, not hide from it! What I can state from fact is simply that I am trying, and for me and my daughter that is good enough!

 

“A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.”
― Coco Chanel, The Gospel According to Coco Chanel: Life Lessons from the World's Most Elegant Woman

 

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde

 

“You are you. Now, isn't that pleasant?”
― Dr. Seuss

 

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt, This is My Story







Thankful....

Recently I have noticed many of my friends on facebook doing a 30 day challenge to post all the things that they are thankful for, which got me thinking..."What am I thankful for?" I thought that I would challenge my self even more and aim for the 50 things I am thankful for....Here goes nothing!

1. My kids, crazy little buggers but I love them!

2. My husband, he hangs in there and for that I love him.

3. My family, even those who aren't by biology but more by will.

4. My Michigan house, it's still mine so I gotta love it.

5. My German rental house, renting is the best!

6. My BF Anna, my true soul sister.

7. My friends, I am blessed with friendship.

8. My kid’s friends, those who have been with us since St. John's Preschool and the new ones.

9. My kid’s schools, ISS and Hill!

10. My dog, she drives me nuts but she is loyal.

11. Neighbors, here and far your always there for us.

12. Ubahns, the best transportation a city girl could have.

13. Health, although I did just have surgery we couldn't be more blessed with health!

14. Jobs, my husband in this case, so grateful.

15. Books filled with so much imagination and creativity.

16. Nature, love my walks in the woods.

17. Running, can't wait till I can again!

18. Cooking, my favorite past time for sure.

19. iphone, makes connecting with people back home so much easier.

20. My in-laws, you make me smile.

21. TV, a piece of sanity in this crazy world (wait, maybe it's the piece of insanity in a sane world).

22. Twizzlers, don't laugh!

23. My sling box repair man ;)

24. Laughter, when you me it's sometimes the only way to get through life!

25. My 2 partners in crime in Germany!

26. The USA, who knew how much I loved you!

27. Good babysitters, like finding a needle in a hay stack, but once you find one hold on tight!

28. My German tutor, you are so patient with me.

29. Sunny days, even the cold ones are a breath of fresh air!

30. Blogging, getting out my thoughts and saves my family from listening to me hours on end.

31. Doctors, the good ones!

32. Teachers, your amazing don't forget that!

33. Beer gardens, your spring, summer, fall relief is much needed!

34. Shopping!

35. The internet, I love having the world at my fingers 24 hours a day!

36. My Uggs, warm, cozy, and always there when you need them!

37. Germany, the whole experience.

38. Yoga pants; they are the greatest invention now if only the German's would catch on!

39. Movies, always available to escape to another world or place in time.

40. Pizza, to fill in the gaps and there are always gaps.

41. Vacations...tough life huh?

42. Our car, when I am too tired or lazy to walk.

43. My mom's little surprises make all the difference.

44. Holiday's, I love all of them!

45. Social gatherings, whenever I am lonely it's a great way to remind me of how blessed I am.

46. Visitors thanks for stopping by!

47. Music, love listening and love watching my daughter dance.

48. Target, I even love the ad and still read it weekly!

49. Photo's, I can't believe how quickly time passes.

50. Myself, daily living, breathing, and sharing!

I now ask you what are you thankful for.....